process.

i am becoming more and more convinced that the Lord calls us to move forward on things He does not intend to bring to fruition. for example, i am convinced that God sometimes calls people to the application/interview process for a job or a graduate program that He does not want that person to actually enroll in. i say this because i think it applies to a lot of areas of life. i don't know if its cultural or if its just me, but i do not want to enter into things that take up time and energy without the ends in mind. but i am beginning to think that sometimes Jesus just wants to use circumstances as a backdrop for what He is doing in our lives.

i am thinking about this ministry that i would love to be a part of, but i am not sure if i want to do it or if the Lord wants me to do it. it seems like if He doesn't want me to be a part of this, then shouldn't He in His infinite wisdom, just let me know that it isn't for me? but then no, He doesn't do that, He even seems to prompt me to move forward. so, i move forward.

this leaves me with a question: is it all for nothing?

i lean towards saying there is great purpose in the process. but i think it might be in more than just the job/education search.

i just think that process can be such an incredible time to seek the face of Jesus and that's pretty much the point. i am learning to be okay living in the gray of life because it is giving me incredible opportunity to look upon what God is doing and how He is doing it. so all in all i'm thankful for the time of process.

so i guess what i am saying is that i want to enter into process with my whole self. i have to believe that He is the one who is pushing me into these processes and i have to hope that the risk is worth it.

i guess the whole point of this blog is i don't like risk. i don't want to risk because it leaves me hurt and i have to believe that Jesus can take care of my hurt.

can He?