family.

i never realized how difficult my family situation is to communicate until recently. a friend wanted to know more about the way i grew up and with whom, i guess i've always known it was hard to explain, but for the first time i'm realizing that its not normal. i also have been realizing that i share about my family chronologically, not in age but in who i lived with when or who was around at a particular time.
i share my life by geography and decades because there is very little cohesion between the "eras" of my life.

i was looking at pictures of my mom today, i'm trying to put together an album for my nephew of my mom's side of the family. i miss my mom, a lot. i was so relieved when she died, it was like a weight was lifted, i didn't have to watch her die anymore. but now i miss her. i wish i had known her, that i could ask her questions. she's never going to meet her grand children, she never met my brother's wife. she's never going to meet the man i marry. i'm just sad i never got to share life with her, i'm sad that i was still a sulking teenager when she died, i wish she could know the woman i am becoming. i think she'd be proud to be my mom.

i finally figured out how to put pictures up

my adorable nephew, bryce. he is precious.


my sister gave me a make over, that was fun.

okay well that was fun.

i dante love ball state football

i love the fall.
tonight i went to my little brother's high school band preview night. it was so strange to be back at my old high school. i felt like awkward 15 year old again. its strange that my little brother is now an awkward 15 year old. the reality of my leaving is finally hitting me. now that i'm older i am seeing the things that i miss out on. this whole trip has been so great though. there are so really hard things, but its good to just kind of live life for a couple weeks with them. but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't looking forward to seeing friends.
but these are the reasons i love the fall:
1. ball state football, namely dante love, nate davis, darius hill
2. cooler weather, but not cold
3. leaves changing color
4. back to school supplies
5. life feels a little more like a return to normal after the summer.

a little less than a week left to enjoy the beauty of life in this place. i'm going to keep trusting in the Lord and He will show how awesome He is.

california here i come

i have many thoughts, generally about books, that will appear in this space in the not to distant future. but i have been busy. between going to weddings, raising support, and that darn michael phelps (and the other olympic athletes) i barely sleep anymore.

but i am making way to california, the journey begins tomorrow and will end at 9:55pm California time on thursday. you might think i was going to asia, but no, just across the country. oh well, cheap flying is cheap flying.

i'm excited/nervous to see my family. its been a while and i don't really know what to expect. its been 8 years since i have been home for more than a week and i'm taking two. i'll also be there on the anniversary of my mom's death. but all in all i think its going to be good. i think the Lord has good things for me and has gone before me in this adventure, like He does.

one day i intend to write a real post, but for now, this is all i've got.

back in indiana

so new staff training is over and now i am full-time raising support. i want to be excited about that, but its definitely an adjustment to be back at my grandma's house. i think if there were a specific and guaranteed leave date i would be able to adjust better.
i was super optomistic while i was in orlando about the amount of time it would take to raise all the support, but now i'm back in reality and see that it might be a longer stint here in the hoosier state.
but i'm pretty well convinced that the Lord has me here for a reason, i'm not sure what yet, but i think it'll probably be super hard, but super awesome. i feel like that's a theme with me and Jesus.
so i've got lots of appointmens, which is really fun. and i'm going to weddings and seeing people in different towns to talk about life and ministry, so that's cool.
i also hope to blog more often. mostly for myself and if anyone reads that might be cool.
i'm working on a post that needs to be handled carefully i think, it started about a book, but has turned into something else. i hope to put it up soon. but who knows.
so that's the update.
if you live in or around indiana, lets hang out. i need friends.

question.

denominationalism: extra-Biblical or unbiblical? what do you think?

life at rollins

I have been in Winter Park for 9 days, but it feels like its been longer (in such a good way). I am taking some fun classes. I love that we get to learn about doctrine and theology. Pretty much I get to hang out with Jesus and call it homework.
There has been a lot of work, but I have really enjoyed most of it.
I love that I get to be here with a bunch of other awesome people, it has been such a joy to get to know these people.

the thing that i cannot get over is the reality of the mystery of the Gospel. we have been studying Ephesians pretty hard core, but the striking thing has been how radical it was for Paul to say that the Gospel is for everyone. the power of Christ is able to cross over all boundary lines, God is able to do all things. i am continually awed at the greatness of His majesty and at His ability to do anything. i want to continue to believe Him for all things, knowing He is the author and perfecter of my faith, that He is the one who works out all things.

my prayer is that my life will be lived radically, not because i don't want a boring existence, but because there is something worth radically living for. my hope is that i will have my eyes so fixed on Jesus that i cannot help but to do the things He did. and lets get serious, He lived so radically.

Jesus, help me to love deeply, to be bold and kind, just as Christ is a lion-like Lamb and a lamb-like Lion. Jesus, help me to be like You.