family.

i never realized how difficult my family situation is to communicate until recently. a friend wanted to know more about the way i grew up and with whom, i guess i've always known it was hard to explain, but for the first time i'm realizing that its not normal. i also have been realizing that i share about my family chronologically, not in age but in who i lived with when or who was around at a particular time.
i share my life by geography and decades because there is very little cohesion between the "eras" of my life.

i was looking at pictures of my mom today, i'm trying to put together an album for my nephew of my mom's side of the family. i miss my mom, a lot. i was so relieved when she died, it was like a weight was lifted, i didn't have to watch her die anymore. but now i miss her. i wish i had known her, that i could ask her questions. she's never going to meet her grand children, she never met my brother's wife. she's never going to meet the man i marry. i'm just sad i never got to share life with her, i'm sad that i was still a sulking teenager when she died, i wish she could know the woman i am becoming. i think she'd be proud to be my mom.