the rope.

i'm standing on a precipice, yet there is no fear. i'm going to jump, but i'm attached. i've got a rope. it feels like i'm on a new cliff in this mountain adventure. i'm not sure if we will be going up or down, but i know i'm going. and i know i'm not going alone. but that i will end up somewhere i never could have dreamed of.

all i know is that rope has to be a sure thing. and i have to trust it implicitly. and i know that this adventure is it. its going to be the story of my life and this rope is my lifeline.


if you aren't picking up on it, there are spiritual undertones.
jesus is the rope. and its awesome. but would be totally unsafe without that rope. this life is not be done without that rope.

its time.

i've been doing some thinking. i am convinced that there is something major brewing. you know how you can sometimes feel it when a storm is coming. i am seeing how with the Church there is something coming.

it is time to stand and fight. it is time to say there will be no half-lies in the church. it is time to stand firm and stand only on the solid rock of Christ. its time we stop being so tolerant to lies in the church, as if that's what Jesus would want us to do.

we absolutely must be full of grace, as Christ is, but what good is it for a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul? if our souls are eternal, if our relationship with Christ is the most important and primary thing in our lives and if lies disrupt that relationship, then we must stand against every lie.

the best lies are laced with truth. don't be deceived. take up the full armor of God and fight against the principalities of darkness, ephesians 6. READ the BIBLE. Believe the Words of Truth. For where the Spirit of the Lord is there is Freedom (2 cor 3:17) and the Truth shall set you free (john 8:32). discern. learn to use that brain the Lord gave you. do not look to yourself to find truth, because "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" jer. 17:9

the lie has been the same from the beginning "you will be like God" but you will not be like God, you were created to know Him, to be in relationship with Him, you were created to serve Him. that is the only place that TRUE LIFE is found. "now this is eternal life: that you know You the only true God and Jesus Christ whom He has sent." John 17:3

Ball State Football and the undefeated non-BCS teams

i like to keep up to date on my alma matter's football team. i fell in love with college football in college. i didn't care about any teams, but my little team. we were awful. most of the fans in the student section would leave well before the game was over. but the faithful few, including me, would stay until the end. we would hope that they would pull one last play that we could cheer and yell for, they often did although it merely put a dent in the oh so large gap between their winning and our losing. but despite all that right after i graduated a new quarterback started playing, he was freshman and he was good. there had been a couple new guys the year before at wide receiver and tight end. so three years ago, my senior year, the offense was starting to really come together. well this year is kind of the culmination of all that. and now we're ranked for the first time in history ball state is a ranked school. today we stand at 14 in the BCS standing. tonight we play against miami university in oxford, oh. but there are still so many who question whether we have earned a spot in coveted bowl game, and not just ball state, but utah and boise state as well. granted our schedule isn't as difficult as an SEC schedule, but i think if we continue this momentum through the last three games of the season, then we deserve to play in that arena.
because its a tremendous thing to go undefeated and it should be rewarded. schedules are often set twelve to twenty four months before it actually happens. and in the case of ball state, there is no way two years ago anyone would have seen an undefeated season coming. i contend that ball state, boise state and utah could hold their own, and its a shame that people would rather see the "haves" play in bowl games, who have not been successful, than the "have nots" play in a once in a lifetime arena. i think about those players, who only have four years to play, with only a few going on to national glory, and those players who have worked so hard to be undefeated, shouldn't they have a chance to play in "real" football. who knows they might just surprise you.
chirp. chirp.

i never know how to title these.

halloween, a time for ghouls, ghosts and dressing up. but somehow it makes me so sad. have you "A Perfect World"? it was a movie with Kevin Costner and Clint Eastwood, in it Costner kidnaps a little Jehovah's Witness boy and they weirdly become friends, that's not the point. the point is, there is a scene where the little boy who is kidnapped gets to celebrate his first halloween, he dresses up as casper the friendly ghost. and there is something in that scene that i remember as being so sad. i saw that movie when it came out in 1993 and haven't seen is since. but i always think of seeing that little boy's masked casper face around halloween time.
this was my first halloween at home since i graduated from college, and also my first halloween at home where my mom wasn't sitting on the front porch dressed like a pumpkin handing out candy to kids. i didn't realize how difficult it would be here in decatur, without her. the strangest things remind me of her.
today there was a woman in the library when i was there who has some sort of disability and she was so much like my mom. i almost started crying right there.
well, i guess all you ever get is super-melancholy.

MUST READ

i think everyone should read the book "Why We're Not Emergent (By Two Guys Who Should Be)" by DeYoung and Kluck. It explores and explains the emerging/emergent ideas and critiques them in a fair way. I love that they quote from actual authors, not paraphrasing, I think it makes for less exaggerating. i just think its good and worth the time. its a pretty easy read yet thoughtful.

in other news. i'm trying to become a temp. i'm pretty sure i'm qualified, but i'm having trouble getting a job :( also, becoming a sub has been the bane of my existence.

and its fall here, which is so lovely. but if i'm still in indiana when it starts snowing, i may not be so happy. yea right, i'll probably like that too. or maybe i'll be playing outside in the sunshine in florida :)

family.

i never realized how difficult my family situation is to communicate until recently. a friend wanted to know more about the way i grew up and with whom, i guess i've always known it was hard to explain, but for the first time i'm realizing that its not normal. i also have been realizing that i share about my family chronologically, not in age but in who i lived with when or who was around at a particular time.
i share my life by geography and decades because there is very little cohesion between the "eras" of my life.

i was looking at pictures of my mom today, i'm trying to put together an album for my nephew of my mom's side of the family. i miss my mom, a lot. i was so relieved when she died, it was like a weight was lifted, i didn't have to watch her die anymore. but now i miss her. i wish i had known her, that i could ask her questions. she's never going to meet her grand children, she never met my brother's wife. she's never going to meet the man i marry. i'm just sad i never got to share life with her, i'm sad that i was still a sulking teenager when she died, i wish she could know the woman i am becoming. i think she'd be proud to be my mom.

i finally figured out how to put pictures up

my adorable nephew, bryce. he is precious.


my sister gave me a make over, that was fun.

okay well that was fun.