Monday, June 30, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
life at rollins
I have been in Winter Park for 9 days, but it feels like its been longer (in such a good way). I am taking some fun classes. I love that we get to learn about doctrine and theology. Pretty much I get to hang out with Jesus and call it homework.
There has been a lot of work, but I have really enjoyed most of it.
I love that I get to be here with a bunch of other awesome people, it has been such a joy to get to know these people.
the thing that i cannot get over is the reality of the mystery of the Gospel. we have been studying Ephesians pretty hard core, but the striking thing has been how radical it was for Paul to say that the Gospel is for everyone. the power of Christ is able to cross over all boundary lines, God is able to do all things. i am continually awed at the greatness of His majesty and at His ability to do anything. i want to continue to believe Him for all things, knowing He is the author and perfecter of my faith, that He is the one who works out all things.
my prayer is that my life will be lived radically, not because i don't want a boring existence, but because there is something worth radically living for. my hope is that i will have my eyes so fixed on Jesus that i cannot help but to do the things He did. and lets get serious, He lived so radically.
Jesus, help me to love deeply, to be bold and kind, just as Christ is a lion-like Lamb and a lamb-like Lion. Jesus, help me to be like You.
There has been a lot of work, but I have really enjoyed most of it.
I love that I get to be here with a bunch of other awesome people, it has been such a joy to get to know these people.
the thing that i cannot get over is the reality of the mystery of the Gospel. we have been studying Ephesians pretty hard core, but the striking thing has been how radical it was for Paul to say that the Gospel is for everyone. the power of Christ is able to cross over all boundary lines, God is able to do all things. i am continually awed at the greatness of His majesty and at His ability to do anything. i want to continue to believe Him for all things, knowing He is the author and perfecter of my faith, that He is the one who works out all things.
my prayer is that my life will be lived radically, not because i don't want a boring existence, but because there is something worth radically living for. my hope is that i will have my eyes so fixed on Jesus that i cannot help but to do the things He did. and lets get serious, He lived so radically.
Jesus, help me to love deeply, to be bold and kind, just as Christ is a lion-like Lamb and a lamb-like Lion. Jesus, help me to be like You.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
today's the day
I move to Winter Park today, to start a new chapter of my life as a woman on staff.
weird.
weird.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
its the melancholy talking
just a side note, sometimes, especially in writing, i can be a little emo.
i think its helpful to be able to write it out, so sometimes, i'm a little sad in my head and getting it out in blogland is good for me.
but i'm doing really great.
really.
in fact tonight i put pink hightlights in my hair. its a throw back to 2005 as pictured above.
hopefully soon there will be pictures of the current pink hair.
okay. peace. (that's cuz i'm hip hop)
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
i am astonished at how little it takes to stir up things of old.
why do i keep hoping that one of these days i am going to wake up and not be sad that my mom's gone?
do i really think that it works that way?
they say all wounds heal with time, but the mere mention of a random remark that just catches my heart a certain way and i'm all sorts of melancholy.
how is it possible that it feels more painful now then it did?
we were not made for this.
why do i keep hoping that one of these days i am going to wake up and not be sad that my mom's gone?
do i really think that it works that way?
they say all wounds heal with time, but the mere mention of a random remark that just catches my heart a certain way and i'm all sorts of melancholy.
how is it possible that it feels more painful now then it did?
we were not made for this.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
there will be blood
on saturday night i watched the movie "there will be blood" and i cannot stop thinking about it. but you know a movie is good when you can't get it out of your head. it was really deep and sad and dark. there is something in that darkness that mirrors the darkness that i have known, in my own life and in the world around me. its this ambition, which in our culture is the most highly respected characteristic of the sinful nature. this ambition steals from the main character any real chance he has at happiness.
one of the things that most affected me in this film is that daniel day lewis plays an exaggerated version of me, well not me specifically, but the universal me, humanity. this film seems to drudge up what is inside of people. we as humans long for control, wealth and respect. lewis' character single-mindedly went after being the best oil-man, at whatever cost.
i guess the reason i am still thinking about this movie is because i could so easily be that person. selfish ambition could very easily be the driving force of my life. my life plan was in fact to "make it". there is still this drive, but who i am is no longer determined by my success. even more, i am now freed from having to prove myself by my success. i am proved entirely by Jesus, His work on this earth and His completion on the cross.
i sometimes forget, or want to forget, the reality that people are bad. i want to believe in the goodness of people. but i know my own heart, i know that with out Jesus i am just bad. and that is the reality of all people.
somehow i find myself coming back to the Gospel from almost every encounter i have with popular culture.
if you can stomach it, watch "there will be blood".
one of the things that most affected me in this film is that daniel day lewis plays an exaggerated version of me, well not me specifically, but the universal me, humanity. this film seems to drudge up what is inside of people. we as humans long for control, wealth and respect. lewis' character single-mindedly went after being the best oil-man, at whatever cost.
i guess the reason i am still thinking about this movie is because i could so easily be that person. selfish ambition could very easily be the driving force of my life. my life plan was in fact to "make it". there is still this drive, but who i am is no longer determined by my success. even more, i am now freed from having to prove myself by my success. i am proved entirely by Jesus, His work on this earth and His completion on the cross.
i sometimes forget, or want to forget, the reality that people are bad. i want to believe in the goodness of people. but i know my own heart, i know that with out Jesus i am just bad. and that is the reality of all people.
somehow i find myself coming back to the Gospel from almost every encounter i have with popular culture.
if you can stomach it, watch "there will be blood".
Friday, May 2, 2008
and now its may
i find myself doing the strangest things. for example i check daily check blogs of people i know do not currently have the capability to write new entries, yet somehow i feel the need to check, just to make sure.
there is also something that happens in me every time i flip my calender to the next month. i have this desire to do something great. at the beginning of every month, i think "this is going to be the month when something incredible is going to happen" and then when i flip to the next month, i feel a little sad that the world isn't totally different.
i think we all want to do something great, we want to be a part of something that rocks the world.
i desperately want to do something lasting and great and memorable. but i find that every time i do something i think is just so great, it doesn't last, there isn't much depth to it. but there are things i have been a part of where i have not been the driving force that are significant. the ministry i've been a part of, the ministry that i in no way have been able to create in myself, its had huge impacts on people. its ridiculously humbling to see how God uses a scared, clumsy, foolish girl like me to bring about His redemption and His life.
its like what Paul writes in Galatians 2:20 "i have been crucified with Christ. it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me. and the life i now live in the flesh i live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
so i have to die, my will and desire has to die, so that real life can be lived out of my body, but Jesus, His life, has to what is lived out.
paul calls himself a bondservant a lot and one of the defining characteristics of a bondservant is that he chooses to give up his will so that the master's will is the only objective for his life. so not that i serve the Lord, but that serving the Lord is all of my life.
Jesus did this His whole life. A particular example is when Jesus is talking with the woman at the well in John 4 and his disciples go and get food and when they come back, Jesus says that He has food that they do not know about. He says "My food is to do the will of Him who sent me and to accomplish His work." Jesus simplemindedly did the will of the Father.
shouldn't i do the same?
there is also something that happens in me every time i flip my calender to the next month. i have this desire to do something great. at the beginning of every month, i think "this is going to be the month when something incredible is going to happen" and then when i flip to the next month, i feel a little sad that the world isn't totally different.
i think we all want to do something great, we want to be a part of something that rocks the world.
i desperately want to do something lasting and great and memorable. but i find that every time i do something i think is just so great, it doesn't last, there isn't much depth to it. but there are things i have been a part of where i have not been the driving force that are significant. the ministry i've been a part of, the ministry that i in no way have been able to create in myself, its had huge impacts on people. its ridiculously humbling to see how God uses a scared, clumsy, foolish girl like me to bring about His redemption and His life.
its like what Paul writes in Galatians 2:20 "i have been crucified with Christ. it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me. and the life i now live in the flesh i live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
so i have to die, my will and desire has to die, so that real life can be lived out of my body, but Jesus, His life, has to what is lived out.
paul calls himself a bondservant a lot and one of the defining characteristics of a bondservant is that he chooses to give up his will so that the master's will is the only objective for his life. so not that i serve the Lord, but that serving the Lord is all of my life.
Jesus did this His whole life. A particular example is when Jesus is talking with the woman at the well in John 4 and his disciples go and get food and when they come back, Jesus says that He has food that they do not know about. He says "My food is to do the will of Him who sent me and to accomplish His work." Jesus simplemindedly did the will of the Father.
shouldn't i do the same?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)