i find myself doing the strangest things. for example i check daily check blogs of people i know do not currently have the capability to write new entries, yet somehow i feel the need to check, just to make sure.
there is also something that happens in me every time i flip my calender to the next month. i have this desire to do something great. at the beginning of every month, i think "this is going to be the month when something incredible is going to happen" and then when i flip to the next month, i feel a little sad that the world isn't totally different.
i think we all want to do something great, we want to be a part of something that rocks the world.
i desperately want to do something lasting and great and memorable. but i find that every time i do something i think is just so great, it doesn't last, there isn't much depth to it. but there are things i have been a part of where i have not been the driving force that are significant. the ministry i've been a part of, the ministry that i in no way have been able to create in myself, its had huge impacts on people. its ridiculously humbling to see how God uses a scared, clumsy, foolish girl like me to bring about His redemption and His life.
its like what Paul writes in Galatians 2:20 "i have been crucified with Christ. it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me. and the life i now live in the flesh i live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
so i have to die, my will and desire has to die, so that real life can be lived out of my body, but Jesus, His life, has to what is lived out.
paul calls himself a bondservant a lot and one of the defining characteristics of a bondservant is that he chooses to give up his will so that the master's will is the only objective for his life. so not that i serve the Lord, but that serving the Lord is all of my life.
Jesus did this His whole life. A particular example is when Jesus is talking with the woman at the well in John 4 and his disciples go and get food and when they come back, Jesus says that He has food that they do not know about. He says "My food is to do the will of Him who sent me and to accomplish His work." Jesus simplemindedly did the will of the Father.
shouldn't i do the same?
1 comment:
Its great to hear you passion Nif...its funny how much we preach dying to ourselves for the sake of Christ yet find little to no change in our day to day. Myself, being part of the problem feels that we often preach the this desire to die in a spiritual way because we don't actually believe it can harm us. However, dying to yourself spiritually always seem to cause a bunch of trouble for all those dudes...and dudettes in the good book. Our mindsets need to be write before that 'dying' process can be fulfilled...the mindset that we can remain the same as we are, with our savings accounts, securities, insurances, etc. Although even biblically such things are not evil many times the driving force behind why we desire them so much can be. It blocks us from dying to ourselves the way we all continually preach about...
one day maybe if we decide to come together as the community and united church that Christ left to carry his message of reconciliation to this fallen world we can get there.
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